Reflections

I don't know if the pregnancy hormones are just catching up to me, but lately I have been feeling very nostalgic. So much has happened in our family since Hunter's birth nearly two years ago. I don't quite know how to describe the journey I've been on since we found out about Hunter's brain malformation and its effects. It feels like I've grown as much in two years as I did the entire 22 years of my life prior to that combined.

At first, every day was a test of my endurance. Dealing with people outside of Bryson and my family was more than I could stand. I was sick to death of everyone's pity and trite consolations. I found myself on the back row of Relief Society grinding my teeth at the rote answers people would give on how to deal with trials in our lives. I think I thought I was okay because I used that line so often in response to the dreaded "How are you doing?" question (with sympathetic head tilt). Going through the motions of living the gospel was all I could manage. Looking back, I'm so grateful that we kept doing what we were supposed to. In the doing, you get the feeling, and finally, I got the feeling back. I can't pinpoint the exact day, but all at once it felt like the sun was finally shining again in my soul.

I remembered how to smile-for real. I actually felt happy again. Most importantly, I was finally able to see that the Savior had been with us through it all. I felt honored that Heavenly Father apparently had enough faith in us as parents to send us a perfect son. I started looking around when we visited Primary Children's and offering prayers of gratitude that Hunter had come to our family; to a mother AND a father who had the means-emotionally, financially, and so forth-to care for a child with a disability.

The plan of salvation is more real and relevent than ever before. My testimony is strong. I still have hard days when something completely unexpected reduces me to tears. I don't stay sad though. To be worthy of eternal life drives me, because I want to spend forever with my little boy. I know that someday I will get to see my Hunter do everything he isn't capable of in this life. Until then, I can honestly say I find more joy in every day than I ever thought possible.

Hunter's birthday is still a few weeks away, but I want to share this video that I made in honor of the big event now. Enjoy!

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.

“For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.” D&C 58:3-4

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com