Rainy day thoughts

I woke up feeling pretty depressed this morning. After a long night the last things I wanted to see were gray rain clouds, snow on the mountains, or feel cold tile on my bare feet. Heavenly Father, in all of his glorious, eternal majesty and power, must have noticed though, because the next thing I know I'm watching this (try not to cry, I balled like a baby!)

http://youtu.be/3qQApICCALo

and reading this

http://www.womenofchristianity.com/?p=5325

and I got goosebumps when I read this part in particular:

"Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go."

Because I just knew that HE knew the words I needed to read and the feelings I needed to feel.

And I couldn't stop smiling as I fed the kiddos lunch.

Because, really, could you resist this face?

I feel humbled.

Jocey and Chris get married!

We kicked it off with... the wedding dinner the night before at Carrabba's.
Bry and Jocey after the ceremony. She looked stunning! Leynie and Celeste, our babysitter. (I've nicknamed her "Celestial".)
Waiting for the bride.
Love this one of Eleyna and her two favorite peeps, Kyser and Nash.
I always get a little nostalgic at weddings and drive Bry crazy by making him take "couple" photos with me-like it's our wedding day! It will be seven years in November. Love you babe.
A little vision of the future perhaps?
The brothers with Joce. What a good group!
We have had a LOT of weddings over the past few summers! But I'm happy to say that after last weekend Bryson's side of the family is complete. Jocelyn, Bry's little sister, married Chris Ferguson in the Mt. Timpanogos temple on Saturday. It was extra special for me because my cute Grandpa Durrant was their sealer. I've seen my grandpa perform several weddings but this one was really spiritual for me. I'm so grateful for the things I felt while I was there. After some pictures outside the temple we got to go to lunch with Brad and Jeanette. It was great to sneak a few minutes in with them during all the wedding craziness. The reception was Saturday evening and we had a fun time visiting with family and friends. We are so happy for the new couple!

Catch with Daddy

This clip is mostly for my parents down in Texas. Looks like we may have a baseball player on our hands. :)

This week was pretty chill. I took Eleyna to swim lessons every day out in Springville. I got to go to lunch with Grandma C, Uncle Oscar and my two cute cousins, Megan and Mindy, at El Bandito. I went to a shower for some Bennett cousins on Saturday. The kids and I went and visited with April and Caleb. We organized the kids' room downstairs and hung pictures--finally! And I dyed my hair red. Two hilarious moments were when Eleyna told me, "Mom, you look sylish!" and when she put up her hand and told Bry, "Dad, stop talking!" (Sometimes there are moments when she seems sixteen instead of three.)

Hunter has been suffering from an ear infection this week so his seizures have been out of control. Also, we had to put him back on the breathing treatment we were trying to wean him off of because he wasn't doing well enough without it. He should be feeling better soon!

Bear Lake Reunion

We went to Bear Lake this past weekend for a reunion with Brad's (Bryson's dad) side of the family. I haven't been to Bear Lake in over a decade so it felt like my first time traveling there. Janeen graciously agreed to come and babysit Hunter while we were gone since the reunion schedule entailed an all-day beach/boating excursion. (Extreme heat and Hunter don't mix well.) So, early Saturday morning, with Rock and Eleyna in tow, we headed up. Heather and Danaan had their Clarke family reunion, same weekend, same location, so they drove with us.

Saturday we spent a beautiful day on the north shore of the lake. Eleyna, of course, had a blast with her cousins and Grandpa Vegas. We visited, swam, went tubing on Tyler and Leigh's boat, and just had a grand ol' time. That evening we went back to the ranch house where everyone was staying and ate dinner and visited some more. We rented a condo for our family to stay in (instead of camping on the lawn of the ranch house) so we drove back down to Garden City after dinner. We were all pretty exhausted and went right to bed.

The next morning we went to church with some of Bryson's aunts and their families. After church we went back to the ranch house for lunch and naps. Later that afternoon we divided all the families into three groups and created and performed skits. Even Leynie participated. After the skits we said our goodbye's. On our way back through town we stopped near Raspberry Square for a quick bite and a raspberry shake. May I just say that the 45 minute wait was so NOT worth it. (Especially since we were in the car driving away when we discovered they didn't include Bry's hamburger in our food!)

We let Eleyna lay down between us in the front seat on the drive home. After she was deeply asleep I picked her up and cuddled her from downtown SLC to our house. She is still small enough to fit on my lap. That was my favorite part of the whole weekend.

Hunter looked so good when we got home. Janeen did a great job watching him! I am so grateful for such a sweet mother-in-law.

My mom called me this morning while I was unpacking and told me that she had received an email from my bro Ryan who's serving a mission in Paraguary and that he was called to be an AP this transfer! My brother is awesome! I miss him like crazy and am so proud of the diligent service he's given thus far.
Leynie and her dad on the jet ski.Skits with the bear. Check out my hubby's acting skills-nice gesticulation babe!

And that's a wrap!

Good life

Bry took me to Cucina Toscana on Wednesday. Wowzers! What a treat! We enjoyed an amazing dinner and of course the coversation and canoodling with the boyfriend was great too. Riki and Sunan are our new favorite babysitters. Thanks for making it possible ladies!

Last night I was finishing up the dishes and listening to that song by OneRepublic called "Good Life". I was watching Bryson working out in the backyard from the kitchen window. During one part of the song the lyrics are:

We're young enough to say,

Oh, this is gonna be a good life,
This is gonna be a good life,
This could really be a good life, good life!

In that moment, my heart swelled with happiness as I looked at my sweet husband. I thought, it isn't that we're young enough-and therefore still naive enough or not jaded yet-it is that we have the gospel. That's what gives me the optimism and hope I feel for the future. The gospel has made it possible for me to be part of an eternal marriage and family and that is what makes me say "This is gonna be a good life!" (Sorry for the cheesiness, but that was really what was in my heart.)

Lastly, I got a new calling today. I'm going to be a teacher in the Young Women's. I am super excited to spend time with the awesome youth in our ward!

Also, me, Leynie and Rock have our plane tickets booked for our first trip to DALLAS. Can't wait! :)

Feeling humbled...

...but in a funny/happy kind of way I guess. Last night we were trying to begin FHE with a prayer. Eleyna was pretty keyed up and she wouldn't kneel down to pray. After a couple of minutes of attempting to persuade her I could feel my patience wearing thin. I was pretty close to just throwing in the towel and sending her down to bed. (Late evening is generally not when I shine as a mother.)

Finally she knelt down and we had our opening prayer. Bry gave a short lesson about Nephi getting tied up by his brothers on the ship to the promised land. He told Eleyna that after Nephi was untied he prayed and the Lord calmed the storm. Bry said that we can ask Heavenly Father for things when we pray. We sang a song and then asked Leynie to say the closing prayer. You better believe it hit me hard when she said during her prayer:
"Thank you that I could have family night with my daddy and mommy," and "Please bless that I can get a treat with my father." (So funny to hear her call Bryson "father"!)

I couldn't believe she picked up on what Bry said about asking the Lord for things. It was a tender reward to hear her gratitude for family night. Before bed, Bry and I were talking about it and we agreed that it was a pretty profound teaching moment for both of us.

In other news, see the picture below for Rockwell's new favorite teething item.

So glad I discovered this!!! Rock has been Mr. Grumpypants lately. However, pop a watermelon rind in his mouth and he's happy for at least a little while. I LOVE this precious boy!
On Sunday afternoon we went up the canyon for a get-together with the White family from Bry's ward growing up. It was great to catch up with friends from Vegas that we don't see that often.(Me & my man, Aaron & Lindsey Futrell, Nikki & Jason Robinson, Preston & Taylor White)

Recap

We spent the rest of the holiday at Dave and Jesseann's house. They have a hot tub and we rented a big slip n' slide so of course the kids were occupied all day. (Which meant lots of chatting and mingling for the adults!) It was really fun to spend the day hanging out with the Minks, my cousin April and her husband Benjamin and their four boys (up from Mesa, AZ), Ken and Babata and their four girls, and our cute friends the Camerons who just moved up from California. We didn't squeeze any fireworks in this year. I think those may be on hold until we have at least one kid who can stay up past 7:30.
April, Babata (Shyannah), Jesse (Landon), Me
Last night me and Bry got to go out on a date because our awesome friends Sunan and Riki Laws came over to babysit. Riki is Eleyna's dance teacher for the summer and has become one of Leynie's favorite peeps. They braided Eleyna's hair like Rapunzel's from the movie Tangled. This morning she told me she needed to watch Tangled with her "Tangled" hair.

Happy 4th!

I ran the Freedom Run 5k this morning. I came in at just under 32 minutes. It was super fun. I thought about my dad the whole time and about all of the years we went down to cheer him on. Love ya Papa!

Lazy Sunday

Today was nice. We all went to church together. Hunter did really well and was in his wheelchair the whole time. When we got home everybody took naps-even me and Bry. We had pork tenderloin for dinner tonight and boy, oh boy, was it ever delish! Bry and I are a deadly combo on the ol' grill. I marinate, he grills, the whole family enjoys. (Eleyna ate a whole piece so you know it was yummy.)

A cute story from today: I was sitting on Bryson's lap in the La-Z-Boy rocker and Eleyna crawled up, snuggled her way between us and then said, "Make room for my head."
Family walk. Eleyna is able to ride the bike she got for her birthday really good now.
My big helper girl. Do you have a "helper" at your house?

Lets try this again, shall we?

My parents left Wednesday morning for Texas so my dad can serve as the mission president in Dallas for the next three years.

This has precipitated the need for me to start updating the ol' blog again.

I guess since my baby is nine months old I can't use the "I'm adjusting to having three kids" excuse anymore anyway.

So here goes. My new strategy is to keep it short. Sweet.

Highlights from today were Eleyna riding around on the bike she got for her birthday, bare-bottomed, exclaiming, "I'm riding so good cause I have super powers!" (She was missing pants because we're potty training and she'd just had an accident outside while I was working in the garden.)

She's been full of hilarity lately saying things like:
"It's not your life Mommy, it's my life"
"You look amazing Mommy"
"You are working on me" (while I'm getting her dressed or changing her diaper)
"Just relax and let the pee come out"
"I am a cute child"

I think Rock is in the middle of a "nursing strike". (I'm not making this up, lots of babies around 10 months do it according to my lactation specialist nurse friend in the ward.) If he doesn't start behaving he may get weaned early. He's still not crawling but he has figured out how to roll around and can roll from one end of the living room to the other. He's so dang chubby and cute! He cut his first tooth last week and I think the one next to it is about ready to come through.

Hunter had a good day today. Seizures were more controlled than they have been in weeks. The whole family went to the ward swim party tonight.

So tired. Peace. Out.

Women's Conf, Sis. Beck & Mother's Day

I got to go to Women's Conference last week. Thanks to some wonderful sisters in my ward who watched Hunter and Eleyna, and my little sister Deanna who spent the day on campus entertaining baby Rockwell, I had the opportunity to spend nearly all of Friday feeding my spirit-which has been running a little lean lately. The morning began in the Marriott center with Sis. Julie B. Beck as the speaker. Sis. Beck is my hero. I want to be like her when I grow up. Every time she speaks my questions are answered and my soul is soothed.

I loved the part of her talk where she discussed the importance of a woman's unique identity as a daughter of God. Particularly when she said that "The identity we have from Heavenly Father can be fully understood only through spiritual confirmation.”

“An intellectual study can be made, but a spiritual confirmation teaches us who we are and what we are to do. … The identity of a daughter of God is precious beyond compare and rich and full."

There has been a lot of activity surrounding Mother's Day in the Mormon Mommy Blog world regarding the topic of (surprise!) motherhood. I've alternated between enjoyment and mild annoyance that this subject is getting so much attention under headlines such as "Why Motherhood Matters". It seems to me that even in the church there is some uncertainty on this topic or we wouldn't be so desperate to address it. (You can check out this post for more on the growing distance between MORMON CULTURE's ideas on motherhood and what Latter-day Saints actually believe about motherhood.)

This is because a spiritual confirmation is required for us to stand strong and immovable about who we are-REALLY ARE-and the the work associated with that identity. It is critically important to receive a personal testimony about our divine nature because, again, to borrow from Sis. Beck, "These are non-negotiable responsibilities. We can’t delegate them. We can accept them and live them. These are things we understood before we were born, and we can’t negotiate with the Lord whether they’re part of His plan. These are our responsibilities.”

Sometimes I look around me, figuratively speaking, and I feel alone. I am deeply unsettled by this since I am literally surrounded by members of the Church. I was grateful for the chance to be in the Marriott Center last week with thousands of women united by the power of our Relief Society President's testimony and inspired message. I know that a spiritual confirmation of the divine nature of motherhood is something the Lord would love to bless each one of His daughters with. All we need to do is have faith and ask with a sincere heart and real intent.

And just as I still experience peaks and valleys with regards to how solid I'm feeling in my faith, even after a woman receives a witness from the Spirit regarding her role as a mother there will still be moments of difficulty (like having at least one of your children sick every week since Christmas) and insecurity (like looking in a mirror a couple of weeks postpartum after baby #3). Still, the difference between overcoming these moments and being overcome by them is whether our hearts have been changed through the power of the Spirit's witness.

At the end of the day, the Holy Ghost is also the one who will help us determine the answer to the question Sis. Beck asked the sisters to consider:

"Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become?"

I am humbled at the mere thought of posing this question to the Lord. I know that there are areas that need improvement and that's not always a fun thing to ponder. But I am determined to do as my beloved Sis. Beck has encouraged.

I am SO grateful that when I start to feel confused the truth can still be heard from the mouths of the Lord's servants.

It is a sweet honor to care for and nurture the children our family has been blessed with and this Mother's Day I feel quite amazed that the Lord has accorded me and all of his daughters the position of partner in His great business of salvation and building the kingdom.

Hunter's 5th birthday video

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

P.R.

The other day I was complaining to my mom that I don't feel like I ever receive personal revelation. I think Heavenly Father must have thrown his hands up in exasperation at my comment because since that conversation my eyes have been opened.

Experience #1:I had Eleyna loaded in the van ready to go to dance class when I realized my keys weren't in my diaper bag. I started searching frantically. Eleyna started crying because she was so excited for dance and couldn't understand why we weren't leaving. I ran across the street and retraced the route through the church parking lot we had walked that morning to go to basketball thinking maybe the keys had fallen out of my bag. I said a quick prayer on my way back pleading Heavenly Father would help me find my keys. A minute or so later I had the thought enter my head that I should check the pocket of the coat I had worn the night before. I ran inside, put my hand into the pocket and felt the cool metal of my car key.

Experience #2:I've been thinking a lot lately about the biggest challenge women are facing spiritually today. I've been searching for the answer and through some twists and turns came upon a talk by Sis. Beck from last year's Women's Conference. As I was reading it I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I had just read my answer.

Experience #3:I had to drop off some clothes to Bryson at work so he could go up to our cabin straight from the office. At the last minute I felt prompted to include a take-out menu from a restaurant near our cabin with the clothes, thinking that if he was hungry he could call ahead and then pick up some dinner on his way. When he found the menu he called me to say thanks and I could tell he was really touched by the gesture. It was neat to realize that the Lord is guiding me in my efforts to be a good spouse.

Experience #4:The last one was at a recent doctor's appointment with Hunter. I've been worrying a lot lately about some "episodes" (for lack of a better term) that Hunter has been having the past six months or so, but I hadn't planned on bringing it up during this appointment because I didn't really think this specialist would have any insight. While I was talking with the doctor I unexpectedly mentioned to him these "episodes" which resulted in the physician recommending some testing on Hunter's heart. A few days after the appointment Hunter started having an episode and we were able to go right to the hospital and have the tests done immediately because we had the orders from the appointment earlier that week. (If we hadn't had orders from the doctor the only route available would have been the ER which can take HOURS. Not exactly where two perma-exhausted parents really want to spend their Friday night.) I can't say that we've received any resolution so far for the puzzling episodes but I know that God had a hand in sending us in a different direction and facilitating the testing.

I guess my conclusion is this: Heavenly Father loves us. Whenever we start to feel alone, unheard, discouraged, we should consider the possibility that we may just be too wrapped up in ourselves to notice God's hand in our lives. I am ashamed to admit that it took the Holy Ghost's use of spiritual exclamation points at the end of these experiences to get my attention and help me see (once again) how intimately and regularly the Lord communicates with little ol' me. I didn't like realizing that I don't know my Father's voice as well as I would like.

An apostle's words...on personal revelation~

"As a young regional representative, I was assigned to assist Elder Marion G. Romney in reorganizing a stake. During the long, quiet ride to the conference, our conversation turned to the spiritual dimensions of our assignment. Elder Romney taught me about how the Lord blesses us with revelation. 'Robert(Elder Hales),' he said, 'I have learned that when we are on the Lord’s errand, we have His blessings to accomplish whatever we are asked to do.'"

"Personal revelation is the way Heavenly Father helps us know Him and His Son, learn and live the gospel, endure to the end in righteousness, and qualify for eternal life—to return back into Their presence."

"As faithful children, youth, parents, teachers, and leaders, we may receive personal revelation more frequently than we realize. The more we receive and acknowledge personal revelation, the more our testimonies grow." (emphasis mine)
All quotes are from an October 2007 conference address by Elder Robert D. Hales entitled "Personal Revelation: The Teachings and Examples of the Prophets".

Thanksgiving

I know these are ridiculously overdue. They've been waiting on my Edit Posts list for months now. Nothing like a hospital stay to help you catch up on the ol' blog.

For Thanksgiving this year we went to Bryson's Aunt Kath's home in Sandy. The food was excellent as usual and we all got to go swimming after the feast (well, not right after of course) in the indoor pool. I didn't really feel like I got to socialize much because I was nursing, tube feeding, and just plain feeding three kids, changing three bums, and trying to help three little people sleep the entire time. Poor Bryson went snowboarding that morning and wiped out really hard. He had a bruised face and a headache most of the day. Still, I love being with family on the holidays. It is a special treat to spend time with Bry's cute grandparents.

My treasures.

Christmas lights

Bryson wanted to be the first family on the street with Christmas lights. (You might as well start calling him Clark Griswold around mid-November.) We had some very nice weather right before Thanksgiving so we decided to get them up. I broke my own rule of no Christmas decor until after Thanksgiving and I'm really glad I did. It was a great night for the project. Eleyna was so excited to help her dad put the lights on the house. After a while I went outside to check on their progress and this is what I saw.My little two year old on the roof! ~Gasp~

After I got my heart restarted I decided I wanted to be up there supervising things. My timing was perfect. The sun was setting on one of the last golden days of fall.

I LOVE this baby girl!
The finished product was professional-looking. It is so darn fun to be married to a man that loves the holidays! The competitiveness is a turn on for me too. Way to go on being first on the street babe.

Blessing day

We blessed Rockwell on November 7, 2010, in our ward. Bryson gave him a beautiful blessing. Two of the things that stood out for me were the admonition to learn from Hunter and about his life’s purpose and the blessing of the ability to learn the gospel and always love the Savior and hold him dear. I loved witnessing all of the amazing men I associate with hold my sweet, pure baby in that priesthood circle. I got to bear my testimony during the meeting. I enjoy participating in that way when my babies get blessed. I feel like motherhood and my testimony of the gospel have sort of become one and the same over the years. I’m glad that Rock’s (middle)namesake-my father Devin-in particular was there. If my boy will follow in his Grandpa Devin’s footsteps I know he’ll make his Heavenly Father proud.

That evening we had a little shindig at my parents’ house. It was so nice to mix and mingle with our immediate families and celebrate Rockwell. It felt so good to be surrounded by family. We were especially touched to have Bryson’s grandparents, who made the long drive down to Provo from Rexburg, with us the whole day. God’s plan for us to be part of a family unit is so right.

Lucky me

Eleyna gets more fun with each passing day. She is growing and learning so quickly right now. I am constantly in awe of this curious, funny, brave, smart little girl that is my daughter. She is learning how to swim. Her daddy took her to swim lessons every Saturday for two months after the baby was born so she could have a special outing with him. She knows that temples are where people get married (she gets really excited when she sees a picture of one in the "Friend") and the name of the golden guy on the top. Sometimes she likes to pretend to be a baby like her brother Rockwell. That is when I know she needs her mommy to spend a few minutes snuggling or playing with just her. She loves organizing things. She’s been invited to a couple of birthday parties. She loves singing “Happy Birthday” to people and “helping” them open their presents. She LOVES the library and reading books. She loves her brother Hunter. She has been learning all about music and letters in her music class. She is so cute dancing around with her scarf to different songs and shaking her maracas. She started taking dance classes. She is the youngest one in her class and is often caught creatively improvising as I like to call it (not sure her teacher would use that term though). Sometimes she decides to do silly things like put on every bib she can find. The other day while I was cleaning the shower she told me, "Doing a great job Mom!". It was awesome. Often she takes me by surprise with her tenderness and sweetness with her brothers. I love my girl and am so grateful I get to be with her day to day as she grows.