Women's Conf, Sis. Beck & Mother's Day

I got to go to Women's Conference last week. Thanks to some wonderful sisters in my ward who watched Hunter and Eleyna, and my little sister Deanna who spent the day on campus entertaining baby Rockwell, I had the opportunity to spend nearly all of Friday feeding my spirit-which has been running a little lean lately. The morning began in the Marriott center with Sis. Julie B. Beck as the speaker. Sis. Beck is my hero. I want to be like her when I grow up. Every time she speaks my questions are answered and my soul is soothed.

I loved the part of her talk where she discussed the importance of a woman's unique identity as a daughter of God. Particularly when she said that "The identity we have from Heavenly Father can be fully understood only through spiritual confirmation.”

“An intellectual study can be made, but a spiritual confirmation teaches us who we are and what we are to do. … The identity of a daughter of God is precious beyond compare and rich and full."

There has been a lot of activity surrounding Mother's Day in the Mormon Mommy Blog world regarding the topic of (surprise!) motherhood. I've alternated between enjoyment and mild annoyance that this subject is getting so much attention under headlines such as "Why Motherhood Matters". It seems to me that even in the church there is some uncertainty on this topic or we wouldn't be so desperate to address it. (You can check out this post for more on the growing distance between MORMON CULTURE's ideas on motherhood and what Latter-day Saints actually believe about motherhood.)

This is because a spiritual confirmation is required for us to stand strong and immovable about who we are-REALLY ARE-and the the work associated with that identity. It is critically important to receive a personal testimony about our divine nature because, again, to borrow from Sis. Beck, "These are non-negotiable responsibilities. We can’t delegate them. We can accept them and live them. These are things we understood before we were born, and we can’t negotiate with the Lord whether they’re part of His plan. These are our responsibilities.”

Sometimes I look around me, figuratively speaking, and I feel alone. I am deeply unsettled by this since I am literally surrounded by members of the Church. I was grateful for the chance to be in the Marriott Center last week with thousands of women united by the power of our Relief Society President's testimony and inspired message. I know that a spiritual confirmation of the divine nature of motherhood is something the Lord would love to bless each one of His daughters with. All we need to do is have faith and ask with a sincere heart and real intent.

And just as I still experience peaks and valleys with regards to how solid I'm feeling in my faith, even after a woman receives a witness from the Spirit regarding her role as a mother there will still be moments of difficulty (like having at least one of your children sick every week since Christmas) and insecurity (like looking in a mirror a couple of weeks postpartum after baby #3). Still, the difference between overcoming these moments and being overcome by them is whether our hearts have been changed through the power of the Spirit's witness.

At the end of the day, the Holy Ghost is also the one who will help us determine the answer to the question Sis. Beck asked the sisters to consider:

"Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become?"

I am humbled at the mere thought of posing this question to the Lord. I know that there are areas that need improvement and that's not always a fun thing to ponder. But I am determined to do as my beloved Sis. Beck has encouraged.

I am SO grateful that when I start to feel confused the truth can still be heard from the mouths of the Lord's servants.

It is a sweet honor to care for and nurture the children our family has been blessed with and this Mother's Day I feel quite amazed that the Lord has accorded me and all of his daughters the position of partner in His great business of salvation and building the kingdom.

Hunter's 5th birthday video

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P.R.

The other day I was complaining to my mom that I don't feel like I ever receive personal revelation. I think Heavenly Father must have thrown his hands up in exasperation at my comment because since that conversation my eyes have been opened.

Experience #1:I had Eleyna loaded in the van ready to go to dance class when I realized my keys weren't in my diaper bag. I started searching frantically. Eleyna started crying because she was so excited for dance and couldn't understand why we weren't leaving. I ran across the street and retraced the route through the church parking lot we had walked that morning to go to basketball thinking maybe the keys had fallen out of my bag. I said a quick prayer on my way back pleading Heavenly Father would help me find my keys. A minute or so later I had the thought enter my head that I should check the pocket of the coat I had worn the night before. I ran inside, put my hand into the pocket and felt the cool metal of my car key.

Experience #2:I've been thinking a lot lately about the biggest challenge women are facing spiritually today. I've been searching for the answer and through some twists and turns came upon a talk by Sis. Beck from last year's Women's Conference. As I was reading it I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I had just read my answer.

Experience #3:I had to drop off some clothes to Bryson at work so he could go up to our cabin straight from the office. At the last minute I felt prompted to include a take-out menu from a restaurant near our cabin with the clothes, thinking that if he was hungry he could call ahead and then pick up some dinner on his way. When he found the menu he called me to say thanks and I could tell he was really touched by the gesture. It was neat to realize that the Lord is guiding me in my efforts to be a good spouse.

Experience #4:The last one was at a recent doctor's appointment with Hunter. I've been worrying a lot lately about some "episodes" (for lack of a better term) that Hunter has been having the past six months or so, but I hadn't planned on bringing it up during this appointment because I didn't really think this specialist would have any insight. While I was talking with the doctor I unexpectedly mentioned to him these "episodes" which resulted in the physician recommending some testing on Hunter's heart. A few days after the appointment Hunter started having an episode and we were able to go right to the hospital and have the tests done immediately because we had the orders from the appointment earlier that week. (If we hadn't had orders from the doctor the only route available would have been the ER which can take HOURS. Not exactly where two perma-exhausted parents really want to spend their Friday night.) I can't say that we've received any resolution so far for the puzzling episodes but I know that God had a hand in sending us in a different direction and facilitating the testing.

I guess my conclusion is this: Heavenly Father loves us. Whenever we start to feel alone, unheard, discouraged, we should consider the possibility that we may just be too wrapped up in ourselves to notice God's hand in our lives. I am ashamed to admit that it took the Holy Ghost's use of spiritual exclamation points at the end of these experiences to get my attention and help me see (once again) how intimately and regularly the Lord communicates with little ol' me. I didn't like realizing that I don't know my Father's voice as well as I would like.

An apostle's words...on personal revelation~

"As a young regional representative, I was assigned to assist Elder Marion G. Romney in reorganizing a stake. During the long, quiet ride to the conference, our conversation turned to the spiritual dimensions of our assignment. Elder Romney taught me about how the Lord blesses us with revelation. 'Robert(Elder Hales),' he said, 'I have learned that when we are on the Lord’s errand, we have His blessings to accomplish whatever we are asked to do.'"

"Personal revelation is the way Heavenly Father helps us know Him and His Son, learn and live the gospel, endure to the end in righteousness, and qualify for eternal life—to return back into Their presence."

"As faithful children, youth, parents, teachers, and leaders, we may receive personal revelation more frequently than we realize. The more we receive and acknowledge personal revelation, the more our testimonies grow." (emphasis mine)
All quotes are from an October 2007 conference address by Elder Robert D. Hales entitled "Personal Revelation: The Teachings and Examples of the Prophets".

Thanksgiving

I know these are ridiculously overdue. They've been waiting on my Edit Posts list for months now. Nothing like a hospital stay to help you catch up on the ol' blog.

For Thanksgiving this year we went to Bryson's Aunt Kath's home in Sandy. The food was excellent as usual and we all got to go swimming after the feast (well, not right after of course) in the indoor pool. I didn't really feel like I got to socialize much because I was nursing, tube feeding, and just plain feeding three kids, changing three bums, and trying to help three little people sleep the entire time. Poor Bryson went snowboarding that morning and wiped out really hard. He had a bruised face and a headache most of the day. Still, I love being with family on the holidays. It is a special treat to spend time with Bry's cute grandparents.

My treasures.

Christmas lights

Bryson wanted to be the first family on the street with Christmas lights. (You might as well start calling him Clark Griswold around mid-November.) We had some very nice weather right before Thanksgiving so we decided to get them up. I broke my own rule of no Christmas decor until after Thanksgiving and I'm really glad I did. It was a great night for the project. Eleyna was so excited to help her dad put the lights on the house. After a while I went outside to check on their progress and this is what I saw.My little two year old on the roof! ~Gasp~

After I got my heart restarted I decided I wanted to be up there supervising things. My timing was perfect. The sun was setting on one of the last golden days of fall.

I LOVE this baby girl!
The finished product was professional-looking. It is so darn fun to be married to a man that loves the holidays! The competitiveness is a turn on for me too. Way to go on being first on the street babe.

Blessing day

We blessed Rockwell on November 7, 2010, in our ward. Bryson gave him a beautiful blessing. Two of the things that stood out for me were the admonition to learn from Hunter and about his life’s purpose and the blessing of the ability to learn the gospel and always love the Savior and hold him dear. I loved witnessing all of the amazing men I associate with hold my sweet, pure baby in that priesthood circle. I got to bear my testimony during the meeting. I enjoy participating in that way when my babies get blessed. I feel like motherhood and my testimony of the gospel have sort of become one and the same over the years. I’m glad that Rock’s (middle)namesake-my father Devin-in particular was there. If my boy will follow in his Grandpa Devin’s footsteps I know he’ll make his Heavenly Father proud.

That evening we had a little shindig at my parents’ house. It was so nice to mix and mingle with our immediate families and celebrate Rockwell. It felt so good to be surrounded by family. We were especially touched to have Bryson’s grandparents, who made the long drive down to Provo from Rexburg, with us the whole day. God’s plan for us to be part of a family unit is so right.

Lucky me

Eleyna gets more fun with each passing day. She is growing and learning so quickly right now. I am constantly in awe of this curious, funny, brave, smart little girl that is my daughter. She is learning how to swim. Her daddy took her to swim lessons every Saturday for two months after the baby was born so she could have a special outing with him. She knows that temples are where people get married (she gets really excited when she sees a picture of one in the "Friend") and the name of the golden guy on the top. Sometimes she likes to pretend to be a baby like her brother Rockwell. That is when I know she needs her mommy to spend a few minutes snuggling or playing with just her. She loves organizing things. She’s been invited to a couple of birthday parties. She loves singing “Happy Birthday” to people and “helping” them open their presents. She LOVES the library and reading books. She loves her brother Hunter. She has been learning all about music and letters in her music class. She is so cute dancing around with her scarf to different songs and shaking her maracas. She started taking dance classes. She is the youngest one in her class and is often caught creatively improvising as I like to call it (not sure her teacher would use that term though). Sometimes she decides to do silly things like put on every bib she can find. The other day while I was cleaning the shower she told me, "Doing a great job Mom!". It was awesome. Often she takes me by surprise with her tenderness and sweetness with her brothers. I love my girl and am so grateful I get to be with her day to day as she grows.